Telling the Truth Tuesday - It's hard

Everyone is telling me how wonderful it is that we've taken hubby's mom into our home. That I'm compassionate and nurturing and good at this. Maybe that's true. I don't think about that. It just seemed like it was the only acceptable choice and now that we've made that decision, it's okay.

What's hard is the emotional aspect. While the aides are here, it's not so bad. But when I'm alone in the house, I find myself checking on her to see if she's still breathing. At night, I'm able to go to sleep, but the instant I open my eyes, I dread getting up and going into her room, afraid of what I might find. I found my own mom dead in her bed, quite unexpectedly. That image stayed with me for a long, long time.

It's hard not making assumptions about what the good days might mean, or the bad ones. It's hard knowing that one day, probably not that far away, the good and bad days will disappear, and so will mom.

It's hard dealing with other people and their issues, whether or not their intentions are well-meaning or not. People just don't stop and think about the impact of their words or how their tone of voice makes someone feel.

Fitting my life in between the caregiving is hard, as well. But I'm managing. It is what it is and it's hard. And I'm okay with that. Just thought you should know...

Blessings,
Karen