Time flies when you're having fun. I know that, because for much of this past season spent watching the Philadelphia Phillies, time did not fly. It lost its wings in August as the Phillies dropped out of first place in the National League East and stopped entirely when they were eliminated from postseason contention in late September. Losing makes you ask questions. Futility makes you think. And so, as the Phillies neared a decade spent in postseason purgatory, I didn't torture myself over the reasons for this team's September collapse. I had a different bone to pick with the franchise, a nagging gripe that had grown in proportion to their losses: "What the hell is a Phillie anyway?"
The more I thought about it, the more it annoyed me. It was an affront to my emotional investment — if the team I watch religiously was going to be bad, then I was at least deserving of a real, adult-sounding name to scream at the television. 'Phillies' feels like a nonsensical moniker for a franchise that both recently and historically, hasn't made much sense. In fact, the name is so silly and out of touch with reality that it cannot generate its own mascot — instead leaning upon a furry green dragon that has no historical connection to Philadelphia whatsoever. (This is not slander to the beloved Phillie Phanatic, just an observation). After all, there isn't another franchise in the modern big four of professional sports whose name is just a shortened version of the city they call home — I'll grant the Washington Football Team an exception because of their uniquely awful and racist previous nickname. Even Cleveland, who's in the process of shucking 'Indians' has already decided to dub themselves the 'Guardians' in 2022. If the San Francisco Giants are not the 'San Frannys' and the Miami Marlins not the 'Miamiis', then why should Philadelphia, home of the oldest same-name, same-city franchise in American professional sports, suffer the indignity of a name as juvenile as the 'Phillies'?
The answer, to both this query and my original gripe, lies partially in the question. A Phillie is a Philadelphian — or a Quaker if they played for the franchise prior to 1890. 'Phillies' — the headline friendly version of the Philadelphians — was used interchangeably by the media with the franchise's previous nickname, Quakers, until it was officially adopted by the team in 1890.
History, however, has not been kind to the name. A Phillie is not just a member of the roster, he's a player who wears a scarlet 'P' of shame across his chest — the consequences of playing for the losingest franchise in North American professional sports. The Phillies were the first American sports franchise to compile 10,000 losses, currently hold the world record for most ever losses by a franchise in professional sports, and only have two World Series titles to their name. They have failed to reach the postseason for the past 10 years, the second-longest active drought in baseball — despite having the sixth highest payroll last season. Attendance at Citizens Bank Park has plummeted to record lows — the once rabid fan base struggles to reach half-capacity.
The Philadelphia Phillies are not the Cleveland Indians, or the Washington Football Team, or perhaps even the Atlanta Braves. 'Phillies' is not an derogatory nickname that needs to be shucked nor is their mascot, the Phillie Phanatic, some offensive remnant of a past era. The branding of the franchise is so random, so made-up that it lacks anything that people could identify as offensive.
"We are the Philadelphia Phillies. Our first name is Philadelphia," said former beloved president and minority-owner David Montgomery, after winning the 2008 World Series.
Thirteen years, ten of which ended in the regular season, have distanced the Phillies from that statement. They've become completely disconnected from the city that shares its name. There is nothing 'Philadelphia' about the Phillies anymore — aside from the light-up Liberty Bell above right center field in Citizens Bank Park. Unlike the 76ers, the Phillies don't boast a Ben Franklin-inspired snake logo across their field and their marketing does nothing to invoke the revolutionary spirit of Philadelphia. There is nothing on their uniform besides their name and the faintest hint of red, white, and blue to indicate that they are from Philadelphia. In light of their past decade of futility, the 'Phillies' nickname has grown stale. It feels juvenile and out of touch, all at the same time. It needs to go.
Changing a 131-year old nickname is no easy task, but neither is selling tickets for a bad team, in a dying sport. A new name for the Phillies, is the first part of a brand overhaul that could ingratiate itself to the city and a nascent fanbase of young adults. Sure, winning is the real cure for attendance woes, but a face lift could help bring in revenue through merchandise and media deals in case the team treads water for the next couple of years.
While this rebrand of the Phillies doesn't have to be a radical one, I do think that their uniforms need updating. The Phillies could follow the path of Cleveland, by keeping their current colors and uniform templates, only updating their name, logo, and script. Most importantly, however, the Cleveland Guardians are named after real-life statues that preside over the city — a concrete tie-in with a history and symbolism fans can appreciate. The Phillies, despite representing a city flush with historical importance, are not.
For the Phillies, the search for a new name begins in the past. The name must embody the history of Philadelphia, especially regarding its integral role in the American Revolution, while also lending itself to the blue-collar nature of the city. Although Philadelphia is still one of the largest cities in the country, it tends to take a back seat in national media — our sports teams aren't cool and our fans are insensitive jerks. All too often, we're portrayed as New York's pugilistic little brother — home to Rocky Balboa, cheesesteaks, and nothing more. Whether I'm correct in that assumption or I'm just showing where I'm from, it's this kind of Philly vs the World attitude that should be apparent in the Phillies new name.
As insistent as I've been that the Phillies must adopt a new nickname, my list of suggestions is admittedly raw and not very long. My hope is to just start a dialogue that Phillies fans can add on to.
The Philadelphia Associators
A call-back to the Revolutionary War — you'll find a lot of them in here — the Associators were a voluntary militia unit that proved pivotal in battles around the area and in harassing British troops during the British occupation of Philadelphia. The U.S. Army 11th Regiment Pennsylvania National Guard, 56th Stryker Brigade Combat Team, 28th Infantry Division is nicknamed the 'Associators', and traces their lineage back to this group.
The Philadelphia City Cavalry
Another volunteer militia unit from the Revolutionary War, the First Troop Philadelphia City Cavalry was the first organized group to defend the colonies from the British and is the oldest continuously operating mounted military unit in the nation.
The Philadelphia Grays
The Washington Grays of Philadelphia was a volunteer regiment which served in the Civil War and eventually integrated into the Pennsylvania National Guard. This name would also give homage to the Homestead Grays of the Negro Leagues.
The Philadelphia Blue Sox
I'm a sucker for any name that ends in 'Sox' and this one would both sound classy and pay homage to the 1st New Jersey Regiment of the Continental Army or the 'Jersey Blues'.
The Philadelphia Privateers
I know, this one could never happen because of that darned team in Pittsburgh, but the name privateer could not be more fitting. During the Revolutionary War, privateers — legally backed pirates — played a massive role in the defeat of the British Navy. These pirates for-hire essentially were the Continental Navy and terrorized British warships with their speed and cunning guerilla tactics. Many of these privateers operated out of the Port of Philadelphia.
The Philadelphia Mercenary Mariners
This is in the same sentiment as the Privateers, but with a perhaps a more suitable name.
The Philadelphia Port Masters
Another nod to the Port of Philadelphia.
Featured Image: Philadelphia Phillies
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